THIS YEAR'S JUDGES: SOBBO, PYRAMID-SUIT, ???

FOREWORD:

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN WHERE WE GATHER AROUND OUR LIGHTBOXES AND DRENCH OUR BRAINS IN DUNGEONWATER. THE SENSATIONLESS FRENZY OF GAMING BEGINS, AND THE ONLY ESCAPE FROM THE BRUTAL VOID IS GLIMPSED THROUGH THE BURNING FIRES OF SALVATION.

THE METAPHORICAL ACT OF SAVIOR IS ENACTED BY A CABAL OF AFFLUENT EXPERTS, WELL VERSED IN THE ARTS OF GAME, HAND-SELECTED BY THEIR MENTORS (WHO, PRIOR TO THE CEREMONIES, ARE CANNIBALIZED AND ABSORBED INTO THE GREAT UNCONSCIOUS DUNGEONSOUL).
THE "CIRCLE OF UNLIFE" ASSURES THAT THE NEW BLOOD WILL MAKE THE MOST OF THEIR POSITIONS, TO LEAVE THEIR MARK UPON HISTORY, BEFORE THEY TOO CRUMBLE IN THE WAKE OF RAVENOUS STUDENTS.

AS WE BEGIN THIS YEARS RITUALS, KNOW BUT ONE THING: BEYOND THE VOID IS UNCERTAINTY- YOU WILL FIND NOTHING DESIRABLE THERE. LET US NOW START DOWN THE PATH TO CHAOS.

THE RULES:

THE "GOLDEN HEAD" SYMBOLIZES GODLINESS. THAT WHICH IS BEYOND OUR FORCE, BEYOND OUR REALM... THE FACTION WHOSE GAME WINS THE "GOLDEN HEAD" IS RELEASED FROM THEIR SHADOWY FORMS, AND BEGIN THEIR ASCENT TO THE WORLD ABOVE.

THE VICTORIOUS FACTION IS DECIDED BY ONE OF THREE CONDITIONS:

1. ALL THE JUDGES HAVE KILLED EACH OTHER QUARRELING, AT WHICH POINT THE VYING FACTIONS WILL FACE OFF UNTIL ONLY MEMBERS OF A SINGLE FACTION REMAIN, WHO CAN THEN CLAIM THE "GOLDEN HEAD".

2. ON RARE OCCASIONS THE "GOLDEN HEAD" EXPLODES INTO A MILLION SHARDS, PENETRATING THE BODY OF THE RIGHTFUL VICTOR, RELEASING THEM FROM THE MORTAL COIL, AND BY EXTENSION THEIR COMRADES, WHO ARE SACRIFICED AT THE AFTER-PARTY.

3. THE JUDGES AGREE ON A DECENT VIDEOGAME.

NOW! OPEN YOURSELF TO BLOODSHED! BEGIN!

GAME #1 - GO! GO! HEGELFORCE V!

OVERVIEW: AN "ART GAME" IN THE TRADITIONAL SENSE, "GO! GO! HEGELFORCE V!" DELVES INTO THE PHILOSOPHY OF HEGEL, HOW IT RELATES TO MARXIST THOUGHT, AND WHAT THIS MEANS TO YOU, ALL IN 10 MIND-BOGGLING LEVELS. CAN YOU PUSH THE STATUES? CAN YOU ESCAPE THE CONFINES OF REALITY? WE'LL SEE WHAT THE JUDGES HAVE TO SAY!

SOBBO: *CRIES 12 TEARS* I GIVE THIS GAME TWELVE TEARS.

PYRAMID-SUIT: I DON'T BELIEVE IN ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE INNATE POWER OF MY ELECTRIC BOLTS. I GIVE THIS GAME ALL MY BOLTS. I WISH TO NEVER PLAY IT AGAIN.

???: WHO AM I? I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DISCLOSE THAT INFORMATION. *UNLEASHES DROVES OF MICE INTO THE STADIUM*

GAME #2 - MOPPY REVIVES

OVERVIEW: ICONIC GAME JANITOR "MOPPY" DIED AND WENT AWAY... BUT NOW HE'S BACK! MOPPY RETURNS FROM THE GRAVE TO COLLECT ALL THE CLEANING SUPPLIES + RED POWER-UPS FROM HIS PAST. WHAT MYSTERIES WAIT INSIDE THE MANSION? ...MAYBE THE JUDGES KNOW!

SOBBO: *MAKES VAGUE GESTURE WITH HANDS, CRUMPLES UP FACE, BEGINS VOMITING SNAKES*

PYRAMID-SUIT: MOPPY? NOT THIS GUY AGAIN! MAYBE HE SHOULD.... CLEAN UP HIS ACT! WELL, I HATE THIS GAME, BUT I DO LIKE GHOSTS. I GIVE IT 8 STARS FOR THE GHOST.

???: MY TRUE IDENTITY IS DARK-MOPPY. DO NOT TELL THE PRESS.

GAME #3 - SKULL HOUSE

OVERVIEW: IN THIS CHARMING ADVENTURE GAME YOU MUST LOCATE "SKULL HOUSE" BY CHECKING FOR NOTES UNDER ROCKS. WITH OVER 500 ROCKS, AND 75 AREAS TO EXPLORE, YOU WILL HAVE PLENTY OF FUN FINDING "SKULL HOUSE". DISCOVER THE WONDERS OF "SKULL HOUSE" TODAY. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY "WITCH MANSION". JUDGES?

SOBBO: THE SEARCH FOR "SKULL HOUSE" IS AN IMPORTANT REMINDER THAT THE BEST THINGS TEND TO BE FOUND UNDER ROCKS- LIKE BUGS, AND RELATIVES.

PYRAMID-SUIT: ASTONISHING! IN THIS GAME WE HAVE THE BEGINNINGS OF A NEW GENRE, I THINK... IMAGINE IF THE ROCKS WERE SKULLS, AND THE "SKULL HOUSE" WAS A ROCK! JUST REBRAND IT AS "ROAD WARRIOR VIDEO GAME" AND YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER HIT ON YOUR HANDS! SO MANY POSSIBILITIES... I'M GETTING ALL CHARGED UP!

???: THE HUMAN SKULL IS AN OBJECT WHICH IS BEST CRUSHED UNDER MY FEET.

WOW! WE HAVE SOME REALLY AMAZING CANDIDATES THIS YEAR... WHEN WE RETURN FROM COMMERCIALS, WE'LL BE COVERING MODERN CLASSICS SUCH AS "GORE FORCE 6", "TUNNEL ZONE", AND "MASKY GETS COINS". ANYONE COULD WIN- ANYONE! WELL, I- HUH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN "HORRIBLE, SCREAMING MURDERER" HAS BEEN SIGHTED? HUH?! BEHIND ME?!... NO! NOOO! ACK! AIEEE!!!

HSM: HEY EVERYBODY! I'M GLAD I COULD MAKE IT! WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THE SHOW IS JUST ABOUT OVER WITH, BUT I'M GLAD I GOT TO SEE ALL THESE FAMOUS GAME DESIGNERS AND COOL NEW GAMES... I MIGHT JUST HAVE MY BIG CHANCE! WELL... I FEEL LIKE THEY WERE A BIT COLD, BUT I'LL SHOW THEM. I'LL SHOW THEM ALL! FOR STARTERS: KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR "HORRIBLE, SCREAMING MURDERER IV: THE GAME"- THE "GAME INDUSTRY" WILL HAVE TO LOVE ME... WELL, ANYWAY, I BETTER GET GOING, BUT HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE SHOW! I KNOW I DID!

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